NUANCES OF LIFE

I woke up early in the morning that day. On peeping outside, I was welcomed by the lush greenery and the orange sun that seemed to wish me a good day. I let out a long sigh, content with how things were working out for me. Jumping out of the bed and grabbing my toiletries in quick succession, I dashed out of my room and bumped straight into Sam. Not knowing how I could have allowed myself this slip-up, I soon recovered, and in time to see his deep blue eyes turn up in a smile. Torn between the fervent wish to escape into the safety of the washroom walls and the desire to gape at him for some more time, I tried to hide myself behind the curtain that separated the toilets and the living quarters, but did so unsuccessfully. The result was my yanking the curtain off its railings and it falling to the ground dramatically. Before I had time to react at this second goof-up, I heard the rapid clattering of stiletto heels.

“Now this is something I’d rather not witness. But then again, you’ve always gotten me into trouble for your own wrong-doings, no?” he smirked.

It took every ounce of energy that was there in my still-asleep body to actually respond to the situation. But swift though I was after that remark, I could not cover up the evidence fast enough; I soon heard the presence of my landlord.

“How can you manage to tear this place down within a week of your coming here, when I have been living here for the past thirty years? Do you know how much these railings cost nowadays? Do you even care? Just because it’s not your own house, does not simply mean you do what you wish to do!” ejaculated Your Highness, who looked like a brinjal in the purple dress she had on. 

Accepting her admonishes meekly, I mumbled an apology, picked up the fallen curtain and went back to my room. No sooner had I closed the door that a knock announced a visitor. I opened the door and saw Sam standing there, looking way beyond handsome in his grey t-shirt that was soaked up in sweat; he looked as delicious as ever.

“Hey”, I managed to say.

“Are you busy?” he replied back.

As if it was not evident. “Um, I could tolerate you wasting two minutes of my time. What’s up?” I said. I wondered what he was here for. Our landlord, Ms. Smith, would kill us if she saw him hanging around.

“Do you mind if I come in? Ms. Smith would kill me if she saw me hanging around”, he said, while casting furtive glances in the direction our landlord had gone.

I sigh and let him in, double checking if she were coming this way again. Before I could even shut the door properly, I smelled the sickly sweet stench and felt his arms around me. I allowed myself two seconds of unabashed pleasure before giving in to suspicion.

“What are you doing? Are you out of your mind, or what?” I said cautiously, trying to free myself from the iron grip. Unable to do so and partly curious as to what his intentions were, I stabbed him on the toe with all my might.

“Ow! Stop fidgeting, will you? What are you afraid of? I won’t rape you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

His words caught me off guard. He allowed me to turn and face him in the limited space of his sudden embrace. I looked up in his eyes, which were soft and pleading as ever. He bent his head low and stopped short of a few centimetres from my mouth, pulled a flighty strand off my face, and pressed me harder against him. His soft lips then began probe mine, begging for more, searching for something. Finding an opening, he continued the delicious assault with his tongue. Moaning into his mouth, I felt a sudden change in him. His unusually soft and loving kiss became more urgent. I did not know what he really wanted, did not know if he was having troubles with his family again or not. I thought he wanted to let go of all the frustrations through this passionate kiss, and at the same time, show me how much he needed me.  

The problem was, I sensed that something was different this time.

I could sense it in his urgency. I tried to pull away but he persisted. He did not even stop to let me catch my breath. No matter how hard I tried to break free, he did not seem to budge at all. If not anything else, I was sure he pulling me towards him even more. I did not get what had gotten into him and I didn’t like it either.

After what seemed like eternity, he let go of my lips, but only to continue down my neck. He slid the top’s strings out his way and would have gone further had I not been able to reach for the table lamp, and hit him hard on his head.

What I saw in his eyes that day, and what happened afterwards, would haunt me forever.

He cursed under his breath and launched himself at me, pulling me, picking me up and throwing me onto the bed as if I were a piece of rag. Astounded with what was going on and unable to bring myself to realize what was happening to me, I could not even to even yell out for help. He was on top of me in a split second, tearing at my top and continuing the torture with his lips again. He had me securely under his full body weight and the sheer terror of what was happening made me a mute. Which had definitely made things for him easier.

The tears were spilling incessantly now and no matter how hard I tried to overcome the assault, I just could not match his strength and break free. I felt him pull my pants and underpants down, which made things worse for me as being incapable of crying out for anyone. I thrashed and jiggled as furiously as I could, but he held on to me as if I were simply pushing him lightly.

Many things happened in quick succession. I felt, rather than saw, him pulling his own pants down. This was followed by what seemed to me the most horrific sight ever. I saw the thing, which was as humongous as one could draw or imagine it to be. I heard the crash of my table mirror as well as the food bowl, which made so loud a clatter that it hurt my ears; and the subsequent pattering of heels.

I do not know how things lead to the horrific act after this, for my mind had stopped functioning as I grew more panicky by the minute. That last thing that I remember before the dark enveloped me completely, and before I could take this no longer, was that sharp jab of pain down there.

******

I had woken up early in the morning that day. On peeping outside, I was welcomed by the dry grass that now stood up like dangerous thorns and the pale yellow sun that seemed to wish me a good day. I let out a long sigh, discontented with how things were working out for me. Jumping out of the bed and grabbing my doll in quick succession, I dashed out of the living room by making slightest of noise possible; I did not wish to wake my six younger siblings up. No sooner had I run out of the room, that I bump straight into Uncle Sam. Not knowing how I could have allowed myself this slip-up, I soon recovered, and in time to see his dull brown eyes turn up in a smile. Torn between the fervent wish to escape into the safety of the washroom walls and the desire to gape at him for some more time, I tried to hide myself behind the curtain that separated the toilets and the living quarters, but did so unsuccessfully. The result was my yanking the curtain off its railings and it falling to the ground dramatically. Before I had time to react at this second goof-up, I heard the rapid clattering of bathroom slippers.

“Now this is something I’d rather not witness. But then again, you’ve always gotten me into trouble for your own wrong-doings, no?” Uncle winked.

It took every ounce of energy that was there in my still-asleep body to actually respond to the situation. No sooner had Uncle finished that remark, did I feel the presence of my poor mother.

“How can you manage to tear down this place so effortlessly? Do you know how much these railings cost nowadays? Do you even care? Just because you have been forced to stay indoors, does not simply mean you do what you wish to do!” ejaculated my mother, who looked as pretty as a new bride in the red saree she had on. 

Accepting her admonishes meekly, I mumbled an apology, picked up the fallen curtain and went back to the common room. I looked at my fast-asleep siblings lovingly and allowed myself a quick look in the cracked mirror, before shutting the door panels. No sooner had I done that, that a knock announced a visitor. I saw my Uncle standing near the entrance of the room, looking way beyond handsome in his grey kurta that was soaked up in sweat.

“Good morning”, I managed to say.

“Are you busy?” he replied back.

“You know I am never busy, Uncle. Why ask?” I said. I wondered what he was here for. Mother would be deeply distressed if she saw him in here and not in the fields and Father would simply kill Uncle if he saw him hanging around.

“Do you mind coming with me to the nearby market? Your father needed a few things and I thought you might as well enjoy the cart ride while you can”, he said, while casting guarded looks in the direction Mother had gone. I grinned and let myself out again.

“Don’t make any noise, or else your mother would come to know about your escapade!” he said, laughingly. I grinned again and shook my head, in response.

We soon reached the bullock-cart. It looked so grand, with all the paintings on the horns of the bullocks and the cart that had been painted bright green. He pulled me up and set me upon the cart, holding me a tad bit longer than was necessary. I did not mind, for I was used to this; he always did it to show how much he loved me, his eldest niece. I would always swell up with pride at this attention, for no one ever recognized me as different, despite being the first born child. He hauled himself up next, and pulled me closer to him. But instead of taking the road that went towards the market, he manoeuvred away from it.

“I have a secret hiding place especially built for you”, was his means of explanation. I did not complain and looked complacently at the fields. Most of them had writhed away, under the unrepentant assault of the sun. But the little that was left, had me enraptured completely.

We soon reached a shady house, that I immediately nicknamed ‘The Haunted House’. He pulled me out of the cart and led me to my much awaited hiding place. Once inside, I realized it was a barn that had been recently evacuated for reasons unknown to me. No sooner had these formulated in my mind, did I feel my Uncle’s arms around me. I was surprised at this sudden display of affection but allowed myself two seconds of pleasure before allowing my mind to grow suspicious.      

“What are you doing, Uncle? Are you out of your mind, or what?” I said cautiously, trying to free myself from the iron grip. Unable to do so and partly curious as to what his intentions were, I stabbed him on the toe with all my might.

“Ow! Stop fidgeting, will you? What are you afraid of? I won’t hurt you, if that’s what you’re thinking.”

His words reassured me. He allowed me to turn and face him in the limited space of his sudden embrace. I looked up in his eyes, which were now soft and pleading. He bent his head low and stopped short of a few centimetres from my mouth, pulled a flighty strand off my dirt-stained face, and pressed me harder against him. His soft lips then began probe mine, begging for more, searching for something. His unusually soft and loving kiss suddenly became more urgent. I did not know what he really wanted, but I thought that he must be missing his own daughter, and so must be passing on his love for her, to me.

The problem was, however, that I felt something was different this time.

I could sense it in his urgency. I tried to pull away but he persisted. He did not even stop to let me catch my breath. No matter how hard I tried to break free, he would not seem to budge at all. If not anything else, I was sure he pulling me towards him even more. I did not get what had gotten into him, but I didn’t like it at all.

After what seemed like eternity, he let go of my lips, but only to continue down my neck. He slid the shirt’s strap out his way and would have gone further had I not been able to reach for the wooden plank, and hit him hard on his head.

What I saw in his eyes that day, and what happened afterwards, would haunt me forever.

He cursed under his breath and launched himself at me, pulling me, picking me up and throwing me onto the heather as if I were a piece of rag. Astounded by what was going on and unable to bring myself to realize what was happening to me, I could not even to even yell out for help, useless though it may have been. He was on top of me in a split second, tearing at my dress and continuing the torture with his lips again. He had me securely under his full body weight and the sheer terror of what was happening made me mute as ever. 

The tears were spilling incessantly now and no matter how much I tried to overcome the assault, I just could not match his strength and break free. I felt him pull my underpants down, which made things worse for me as being incapable of crying out for anyone. I thrashed and jiggled as furiously as I could, but he held on to me as if I were simply pushing him lightly.

I do not know how things led to the horrific act after this, for my mind had stopped functioning as I grew more panicky by the minute. That last thing that I remember before the dark enveloped me completely, and before I could take this no longer, though, was that sharp jab of pain down there.